Fantasy Football is approaching....

It’s a time for the Red Zone channel.  A time when Sundays lose all productivity.  A time for squeezing in all the “honey-do’s” into Saturday so that Sunday is free for couch time, nachos and beer.  Ahhh, the fantasy football season is a knockin’ on the door.

I don’t know about your league, but my league kicks things off with an annual draft party hosted by the Commish.  There are ribs, burgers, appetizers, smack talking, laptops, notes,  draft guides and some drink.  Yes, fantasy football and drink kinda go hand in hand.  I like to start off my football Sunday with a Bloody Mary and some final checks on my starting lineup.  Then, perhaps move into the world of Fat Tire?  Really depends on the weather and the matchups I’m facing.  Everything has to be organized and prepared.

I don’t know what the record is for most football games watched at once, but I’m a believer you should tune into the Game Mix channel which offers up to 10 games, then have your local game on the “last” button.  Then, light up the laptop or iPad for viewing of the red zone channel.  With that approach, even my tiny brain finds a way to digest the scores, stats and turnovers all while keeping an eye on Stat Tracker to see just how bad I’m thumping my opponent!  For the rookies out there, if you find yourself on a commercial at any point on Sunday…. You are failing!!!

One should also be cautious in playing in too many leagues.  You could find yourself cheering for one lineup in one league, but then have players in another league that you’re facing in the other.  Yeah, you can see the dilemma that is ever present.  When this happens, you will find that you root for completions, but not many yards.  Or, score a TD but then later fumble.  It just is too challenging to know when you need to blast out a finely orchestrated string of cuss words and when to just have another sip of Fat Tire.

Another thing to consider is the feelings of your spouse.  I find it best to manage expectations up front.  When he/she (know, I don’t mean you’re married to a transvestite) knows the kind of person you will become on Sundays, they will find it difficult to hold you truly accountable for your actions.  Explain the good, bad and ugly associated with coaching your own fantasy football team.  Inform them of the stats and their importance.  Communicate that when you will certainly scream out at the top of your lungs for a fumble or player that gets tackled at the 2 yard line only for the next RB to get the carry and touchdown on the next play.  These are important Sunday moments that can dictate your mood and attitude for the following days. 

All in all, what a great time of year.  Draft parties, questionable trades and the dodging of any real responsibility on Sunday.  Thank you Fantasy Gods for delivering this wonderful season and thank you spouses for holding off on divorce papers, knowing there will only be 20 weeks or so of this madness.  Besides, when football is over…. We Fantasy Fools struggle to find joy in playing Fantasy semi-truck pulling competitions once football has vanished.

Enjoy the season and may I wish you sacks and fumbles!!!

Boys will be boys..

We guys have this inner voice that encourages us to be messy, stinky and sometimes just outright rude.  We know that this behavior can’t be tolerated in our normal day to day lives as we have responsibilities.  We have work that won’t stand for it and we have children we prefer not walk around burping all day long.  Did I mention the looks we would get our from wives as well?

Still, what a nice break from reality it is when a group of buddies gets together for a long weekend up at a cabin to partake in golf, horseshoes, grilling and some “light” consumption of beverage.  So, picture this if you wil…

8 friends gather once a year for a trip to the mountains and a stay at a cabin.  Those friends have played ball together, stood in weddings together and played many a golf course together.  As the crew gathers at the cabin, the trucks are unloaded with food, clothes, golf clubs and a big shiny silver can thing that has a hose coming out of the top.  With the sun shining bright, the fellas sit out on the deck and start the long weekend.

There are pitchers being filled and refilled regularly, laughter, cuss words and the occasional rude sound flowing from the team.  When guys get together, there isn’t a normal eating time, so there are burgers flowing at 3:00 in the afternoon and snacks laying throughout the cabin – inside and out.  The first day starts off with 27 holes of golf and wagers put on every swing!  The 8 guys race their golf carts around the course, hitting great approach shots and missing 4 foot putts.  Ahh, good times.  The team then retreats to the cabin to settle up all the bets and start back with the pitchers.  As we sit on the deck watching the day turn to night, we discover an incredible new game and means of betting and talking smack.  From the chairs on the deck of the cabin, we start to toss golf balls onto the rocks and dirt of the drive and towards a piece of 4” PVC pipe that has been shoved into the ground and in the middle of a light shone from the deck of the cabin.  From about 15 feet away, the contest is to see who can toss a golf ball, have it successfully dodge all the rocks, wood and wild flowers to find its’ home in the PVC.  DECK GOLF HAS BEEN DISCOVERED!  Isn’t it funny just how easily you can entertain 8 guys?  We’re simple creatures.

Day two is filled with 36 holes at a new golf course.  Still sore from all the swings the day prior and the excessive intake of fun the day and night prior (not to mention actually standing upright after a night on the couch), the teams break out to conquer the other.  Food, drink, drives and putts fill the day.  At the end of the agreeable day on the links, the team circles through the Taco Bell station to fill up on the necessary items for consumption back at the cabin.  Again, there is some smack talk and settling up of bets and replays of the memories made earlier in the day.  Ahh… good times.

Day three lands with no golf.  WHAT?  Nope, no golf today but instead, we shall gather in our chairs outside the cabin and alongside the horse shoe pit.  GAME ON.  Teams are formed, pitchers are filled and shirts are removed.  A day of sun and clanking of shoes!  Did I already reference the pitchers of liquid joy??  All day we toss around the shoes, not realizing that you can actually be injured while participating and can feel some soreness in weird places the morning after.  Before the day ends, there is a suspicious happening taking place with the large silver can with the hose.  It seems to be bobbing up and down in the huge trash can filled with ice.  Soon, the hose ceases to distribute the beverage of choice.  What in the @#(*&()*???  Already?  No worries.  I quick run to town for another 4 cases of the good stuff should get us through.  About 8:00 that evening, the grill lights up and plays host to 8 of the biggest steaks you have seen.  Surprisingly, the group of 8 still opts for silverware.  Weird.  Another successful day!

As the final day arrives, it’s time to pack up and clean up as we prepare for re-entry into reality.  One of the bets made in the previously mentioned rounds of golf is to see which team has to clean the cabin.  Let’s just say that isn’t a wager you wish to lose as I referenced the Taco Bell run earlier… yeah, 8 dudes using one bathroom for a long weekend is not a place you wish to find yourself during cabin cleaning time.  There isn’t enough protection, scrubbing bubbles and passion to be mustered up.  Ouch.

So in closing, I wish to thank my friends for another year of greatness and also apologize to my beautiful, patient and loving wife who has given me plenty of opportunity to adjust back into the life of putting the toilet seat down.