Okay, what's up with baby corn??

There are some things in this world that can pull off being small.  There are small dinner portions, small iPods, small cars, small font, small babies and even small victories.  But what I can’t accept is small corn!  What is the purpose of this tiny vegetable?  It makes its appearance from time to time on your plate – usually in a Chinese dish but it’s been spotted in Thai food and Indian food as well.  Where does this stop?  While I would like to give you the positives surrounding this miniature cousin of corn on the cob, I can’t as I’ve never eaten it.  When I see it on my plate, I simply mock it for its size and then push it to the side for later delivery to the trash!

I’m quite certain that it can’t taste like a nice, buttery corn on the cob and surely you can’t manage to get the corn on the cob pokers into the sides of them.  If someone were to try and eat it as if it was the appropriately sized version on the cob, can you imagine the weird looking face of the eater?  Pushing your teeth out as far as possible and then taking tiny little bites to remove the kernels.  Not good.  Every time I have seen them, they appear soggy and bland.  They are kinda wobbly and bouncy at the same time.  So tell me… what is the purpose?  Are they on the plate simply to get made fun of?  Do people actually eat these little things?  I have to think that they aren’t intended to be eaten, but instead are present to fill in some gaps in the plate.  Maybe the restaurant ran out of chicken or broccoli and thus had to lean on the limp spears.

Another thing… you never find these tiny beasts outside of their cob-like version.  I haven’t seen a can of itty bitty corn kernels like you see from the good people at Del Monte.  I wonder how many of these things it would take to fill up a standard 15oz. can.  Like 7 million?  It’s crazy!  When I think about it… I would have to imagine a field of Oompa Loompa’s out there hand picking these little things off the stalk, assuming there is a stalk even involved.   Maybe there is an entire village of tiny things and this little corn isn’t little in that world?  The citizens of the tiny village like to get a laugh occasionally and put a bag of their corn on the farmers’ truck and it somehow gets delivered to stores and restaurants.  Then, they sit back on their tiny little couches in the evening and laugh at those of us actually trying to eat the imposters.

Whatever it is, it’s STOOPID and must come to a stop.  Join me in boycotting all tiny corn cobs and push back on this tiny village, sending the message that we will no longer stand for it!!!