What will it take to get you in this car today?

I vaguely recall the joy and excitement associated with car shopping.  Those times are LONG gone and the feeling of anxiousness and exhilaration have been replaced with those of fear, frustration and uncertainty.  When is the last time you heard someone leave a dealership with a shiny new car and say, “HA!  I won that battle!”?  It doesn’t happen often and the process of getting your own tail handed to you, along with a hefty payment, leaves some of us in search of cocktails.

My wife and I are on the hunt.  We “need” a new car and simply can’t wait any longer.  We arranged for some kid watch which left the day to just us.  It was the two of us against THEM.  We were ready… we had a plan.  With some idea of what we were looking for, we head straight to the dealership.  As we pull into the lot, you can see the vultures stirring.  Jostling for position and adjusting their ties.  Prepared for the leg humping that was about to go down, we parked and stepped out of our “old” car and were instantly greeted by a guy that looks fresh off ‘Jersey Shore’.  His hair with the proper amount of product, short and shiny.  His skin uncommonly tan for early March in Colorado.  His clothes… eh, nothing to hammer him about there.  But then I saw it.  Yep, right there in complete Joe Pesci fashion was the PINKY RING!  DOH!  I don’t know about you, but certain accessories tell a lot about a person and this one in particular, well it told me that we were in for some "fun".

We take our vehicle of choice out for a test drive and on the jaunt, get to learn that “Gino” (protecting his real name ‘cause I’m a nice guy) drives an Escalade.  Of course he does.  All goes well with the drive and we’re ready to talk numbers.  You know, the kinda talk where they put you in the world’s tiniest office and ask you if you’d like some coffee.  I think the more appropriate question would be “would you like an Elephant tranquilizer?” or perhaps “How about a roofie?”.  As we sit there and listen to our options and review the magic marker arithmetic on a folded piece of paper, things aren’t going our way.  We stop and offer our feedback which warrants a trip to the “money table”.  I don’t know what it’s officially called, but this long desk of finance jockeys held one cool cat in particular. With slicked back, and well product-ed (I know, not a word) jet black hair, a pair of AWESOME sunglasses on and a scarf that wrapped around his neck was the man with the plan.  Kinda creepy actually and made the whole experience feel as though we were trying to smuggle rare chickens across a border that didn’t like rare chickens.

While waiting for the ‘money man’ to redo his magic marker collage, Gino returned to our tiny office and attempted some small talk.  He asked about my shoes.  Then noticed the brand of jeans I was wearing (ummmm…. nevermind) and then said your 24 huh?  No, I’m not 24 but this is my blog and I can be 24 if I like.  He said, “you’re only a year older than me”.  What in the heck does that mean?  My response…  “ahhh….”.  We then learned of his daily routine which surprisingly wasn’t GTL (Gym, Tanning, Laundry) – although close.  He works out and doesn’t drink or use any drugs.  He has a girlfriend that is 11 years younger than him.  Where is ‘money man’???  We are more than ready to mark up version two of our “options”.  Please ‘money man’… hurry up!

The final return to the land of tiny office from the manager, and this time the numbers look good and we’re nearing our decision.  Yep, things look good and we decide that WE’RE IN and the vehicle is in transit as I type!  Yeah!?  So, chalk one up for the good guys?  Would my wife and I leave the dealership with a sense of victory and triumph for our new purchase?  Well, sorta.  We do feel as though we finally got a good deal on the vehicle that we wanted so that was good…. The challenge comes in trying to mentally delete all the Gino and ‘money man’ quips and images from our visit.  It’s hard to clean your brain of such an experience.  So for those of you looking for a new ride, know that you will most certainly feel dirty and violated as you leave the establishment.  It’s not you… it’s them and you aren’t alone.